Friday, April 8, 2011

Contest fees and impostor syndrome.

So, one of my major activities of the past two years has been (again) whipping my poetry manuscript into shape. It was chapbook length; then at some point I decided to push on through to book length. As of this moment, it's 61 pages of poems. Considering it contains poems from as far back as 1999, I'm a little embarrassed that 61 pages is it. But I've been living along the way, you see.

Last fall I entered a book contest that I thought I had a pretty good shot of placing in, if not winning. Neither happened, and I was off kilter for at least a week. Then I remembered what the contest runner had asked me prior, which was simply if I had a completed manuscript. He simply encouraged me to enter because he'd seen my work in workshops and was impressed. That's all.

Anyway. These contests, after a certain point, are about taste and preference. It says nothing (or very little) about my poetic ability that I didn't place. Being a poetry editor for two different publications now, I understand the dilemma. After a time, the mss's that rise to the top just have that inescapable something, that buzz or unifying vision, perhaps. Perhaps a compelling perspective, or a fresh take on language use or poetic form. And how is this defined? Largely through the tastes of the one reading.

With this in mind, I don't need (and can't afford) to enter every good-looking contest willy-nilly. The writing's the thing, and the submitting. I'm eager but not desperate to get a book published. Good thing I don't teach at a four-year.

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