It's weird how my teaching mood and attitude toward my job fluctuate. Yesterday was, simply, a great day: I was on top of my game, I was an expert, I was even a little cocky and gently confrontational. I knew there were the usual dullards drifting off, but when I feel confident like this, I absolutely don't care. I hadn't had a teaching day like that in a long time.
I came in today and almost immediately I knew it was going to be a long slog. My Comp class had an essay due. Of 22 students still coming to class, only 16 turned in the essay. And almost immediately, I started boiling inside and taking it personally. Even though I know it's foolish to think I had something to do with those six students' lack of motivation, still I thought it. This week is the week after spring break, so likely, most of them put off the assignment too long and forgot it was due until too late.
This class has shaken down as follows: about two thirds of them are reasonably into it, keeping up, doing their best. The other third is simply killing time, and I don't even know why they keep attending. Two dudes have not yet turned in an out-of-class essay; their second essay was written in-class, so only one of their three essay grades is not a zero. I should bring a length of rope for them next week.
I know I should be chanting this mantra: "You can't teach motivation." But when I run into this sort of passive resistance, it has the potential to ruin my day. Probably because I care too much and/or expect a certain level of performance. As long as I have a heart, this will probably go on.
I'm not as bad now as I was just last fall, but these feelings of anger and utter bewilderment still grab me. I fundamentally can't understand why someone would choose to bury himself by not turning in work. This is a freaking two-year college--it's not like we're Yale Law.
I want to enter the mindset of someone like that for a day. Maybe that's my next poem.
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